Chronicles of an Impervious Recluse

Russian Roulette

2011-04-04T21:27:00.001+05:30

Close your eyes and Pull the trigger,

Bet your soul, albeit for the last time.

Sometimes prayer soothes the fraying nerve,

In this Godless Gamble.

Press the glock to your temple.

Does fear cloud your faculties ?

Or does Adrenaline whet it ?

It's just one Bullet.

Do chills run up your soft spine ?

Do I see tears roll down your cheeks,

Is that a mild whimper I hear,

As you clench your teeth.

Honey, this won't take long

A deafening crack and blinding light.

Just momentary pain,

Nothing like what you inflicted on me.

My turn disappointed me,

All I could hear was hollow click.

The empty chamber echoing,

Of Blinding vengeance.

Tonight we play,

With odds on my side.

Nothing for me to lose

But your world crumbling.

Euthanasia

2011-03-07T18:40:00.000+05:30

Ravaged in my memory's wake,

I have long suffered.

Strapped to a four-poster.

Eyes and ears wide shut.

Broken images of life,

Flash before my unfazed eyes.

My body lies still.

Unperturbed and Unstirred.

Voices of unknown origin,

Whisper in my ears,

In tongues long forgotten

Of faith and skepticism.

For long and cold nights,

I have dreamed of a blue moth.

It fluttered free- aimlessly

Through a seamless void.

I have prayed silently,

Without an utterance.

Longing for a cold embrace,

To greet my Passage.

Inferno

2011-02-09T14:40:00.001+05:30

The Flames crackle as they rise up,

Perhaps for the last time ,

From the dying embers of Life

An Orange glow casts long shadows.

The Skin burns softly,

But Wraiths don't feel pain.

Nor do they have a conscience.

Their life forged by the reaper's curse.

Memory a tattered cloth,

Fragments visiting and revisiting.

Filling my insides with revulsion,

Tales of Lies and Deception.

Time no longer heals the wounds

The bruises continue to bleed.

But there no pain

Neuroticism has long since replaced ache.

A long path forward remains,

With clenched fists he resists

Confusion meddling with his soul,

Right and wrong's lost all meaning.

Chorus:

Burn,

Until nought remains.

Burn.

Until the all the vitriol is gone.

Burn.

Until winter ends.

Burn.

Like an Inferno.

Rorshcach

2010-09-16T18:44:00.010+05:30

Accused of stealing the breath of the fresh air,

I work stealthily in the mighty Puppeteer's absence.

I pull the strings with my dexterous fingers,

Trying to tinker with the mind's clockwork.

Tying the world to my subtle perceptions,

I exhume the Marionettes' buried remains,

And use them to paint a new portrait

Of the masquerade I conspire to create.

Concealed in the languid penumbra,

I walk away from the light.

The bright iridescence from the flame;

Blinds my gray eyes - laden with murkiness.

The world spins around in dizzy blur,

I fail to recognize the passing faces.

The storyboard of life is written,

And yet rewritten again.

A broken soul slowly pieces together,

It's utterly garbled psyche.

A repressed love makes subtle appearances,

Only to be unceremoniously stifled by assassin's creed.

The torsion between the mind and heart,

Has ripped apart the soul;

Murder and vengeance came hand in hand,

Judgement became the obtuse fool.

Tear off me this blighted mask,

Purge from my sanity,this cursed miasma

Deafen me to drown the noise of this vile epiphany,

For join I never shall, this blasphemous masquerade.

Wakeful Reverie

2010-05-31T22:53:00.017+05:30

The shifting sands prolong the hours,

Of silent poignant thought,

The visions of a pale sky blur,

Cris-crossed by flooding sunlight.

My instruments are no longer of any use.

Strings have long rusted.

I hear morning's retreating footsteps,

The windows to my room, still shut.

The bird has left it's secure nest ,

A flight into uncharted horizon.

A solitary butterfly struggles to get free,

Out of the dusk, it's cocoon.

The lissome drops of cold rain ,

Fog my crystalline window pane.

Whilst the war of thunder rages on,

As swords of lightning clash against it's shield.

Seed of Destruction

2010-03-07T17:32:00.005+05:30

I walk on broken crutches of faith,

Yet I dare to stand,

I keep promises till it fades me out,
I won't retreat until my legs break.

My ego has long deserted me,

My conscience is dead.

I'm as good as a wraith,

Ripping the flesh off my bones.

Lost in the void,

Of seething silence,

In search of nothingness

Absurdity my only destiny.

I have neither won,

Nor tasted defeat
I found my comfort here
On the land I long to explore.

Unknown forces resisting me

Barbed Wire barricading my freedom.

I want to die sleeping in its lap

Or remain forever in my mother's womb.

Nothing more eternal

Nothing more comforting
Nothing more mute
Nothing more absurd.

At the dawn of time,

I was sown into a barren heath,

There to rest in somnolence,

Until the time was ripe.

The Hour has arrived in this 'coherent' world,

Where man eats his brother,

Where sanity is mutilated,

Must arise the Seed of Destruction.

At the brink of apocalypse,

The purge must begin,

Of sinners and saints alike.

For there is hardly any left with a soul.

I bring a message.

Fear,for there is much to fear.

I am but only the vanguard,

There are more to come here.

Some Kind of Monster

2010-02-07T13:13:00.006+05:30

Suspended in Time

Those moments lie

For She never returned

Leaving me to fade away in bleak midwinter.

Still waiting,
Wishing I was dead
Desperate to forget

Unable to focus on what lay ahead.

Breathing in vacuum

Struggling to exist,
Memories tormenting my sanity ,
Making me clench my fist.

Emotions are numb
Insides sore,
I knew the hour had come
I couldn't take it anymore.

My transformation had begun.

I could no longer carry dead weight,

In the wake of suffocation

My Allegiances had shifted.

During this forsaken hour,

I built my armor.

Forged in the fires of rage

Empowered by anathema.

My only objective faces me,

To tell her...

Should I ever meet her again,

"Come witness thy creation"

"Behold in front of you it stands. "

A Wraith perhaps- a pallid specter

A potent variant of

'Some Kind of Monster'

Panton mos intereo

2010-01-05T23:33:00.003+05:30

Alone I stand on a pedestal high,

Under a sky devoid of rain.

A silent caress from a dying wind,

The sky cries words of pain.

Tears of the sun have dried,

Finally the spirit of terra has cried.

Gone is the spring forever,

Winter has befallen paradise.

Flames crown the dying trees,

The ocean has swallowed the sun.

Dark water burns in withering sunlight,

I wonder at what i have done.

Dead roses adorn the lonesome path,

The moon has died tonight.

Forever from now the oceans run dry,

Never will we see the morning light.

Evening has fallen on a darkened horizon,

Where will the sun now rise?

For the sky itself has fallen quiet,

Scared of its own demise.

The sun has set forever,

One by one the stars will die.

The rainbow once bright has turned to black,

Darkness has fallen in paradise.

Evolution

2009-12-18T00:49:00.005+05:30

Bounded progenies lay

In a veil of glassy whispers

As the infinity awaits

It's final touch.

A tiny seed pearl of blood

Drowns the cosmos of its reign

As creations surge in flickering beam

Awaits destiny in a dozeful gaze

As evolution takes its final lap

Testimony to its credentials

A new race set to evolve

Yet the sunlight fails to flicker

Lays the darkness so mighty

Scattered in the veil

Waiting for the prophet

To devour it whole.

Harakiri

2009-11-24T14:18:00.004+05:30

A glistening blade,

An invitation to a different world,
Away from the anguish,a relief to the ailing heart,
A drug to the incurable infirmity called life

Just a little courage,
A few final moments of pain;
The last wound that i shall ever recieve,
With the promise of eternal relief.

For the last time i recollect some dearest faces,
Some whiz pass in a moment,
some seem to last for ages,
But all along one figure remains unfaded,
The one face that makes me smile n cry,
The face of my beloved.

Now that I look back at all those moments,
When I'd so fondly feared death;
It feels so strange,
How feelings change,
Fear n fancy are a matter of faith.

May be its all wrong, may be its a sin,
May be i've no right to end what I can't begin.
But the choice of life was never mine,
So why should I suffer,
for someone else's crime ?

And now as the edge kisses my skin,
I escape this battle I am never going to win,
The blood gushes out,
On the floor they take her shape;
Her face still lingers on,
Beckons me to join her,
Celebrate the final escape.

Vanity

2009-10-07T13:06:00.002+05:30

Dawn whispered from the black terrains,

breaking the crimson rays on the northern land.

Whilst,

sirocco of fateful innocents detoured their barn,

They marched towards the turbulent sea,

with barb machete in their hands.

With the glint of swords,and their shimmering shells,.

They march in sync with cavalry, in a chuff of air behind.

Even the revered Sun is timid, seeing their bolshie red eyes,

But with every whistles of trumpets,

they are moving towards the oblivious skies

There in the hazy shade of birch,

she witnessed the infantry along with her lamb.

She then heard every carillon cautiously,

and followed them to the distant land.

Crossing the runnel and the arid sand,

she abridge the road of northern land.

Whilst,

they aspired for satiating their might,

her eyes starved for the glimpse of her man.

Then,

the dooms hour descended in time.

The metals started to collide,

as cavalry embarked at gates of Northern land,

and she was seized by her beleagured fate.

The grunts of the midgets shriveled her mind,

and she found herself veiled in the fray of grimes.

Whilst the mortals withered like the wilted yield,

she and her lamb were now stranded far from primal land.

Gallantly they chastened the might of land,

and the fierce rage and gore was subdued by twilight.

By the night, when the tranquility commenced to reign,

and the darkness echoed the silence in the air,

She wandered the realm to unveil hopes of her partisan mind.

And finding her ring amidst tomb of morbidity,

she left for the distant lands, along with her silent lamb.

Morphine

2009-09-21T17:22:00.002+05:30

Intoxicated I am,
Murky delusions captivate,
Silence is the shadowsong
And apparitions dictate....
Hope has met its demise,
Darkness saturates....
Subliminal thoughts deep down deploy,
And memories subjugate.

Immoral secrets and unkept promises,
an anguished past unveils,
Storm clouds shroud the despondent sky,
melancholy prevails.....
On the brink, shadows loom,
Passion’s lost symphony resonates,
In "Agony" I lie
till your sacred touch sedates…..

Emotions the decisive dice,
and distress the rancorous fate,
A moral repentance persuades.
Unheard fables
the wasted mind narrates..
Stars shine and
spiteful obscurity enunciates.

My blood drips recurrently
As the pendulum oscillates,
Colors are my words,
And poetry a gothic portrait...
I bury in recollections
that I penitently eradicate,
Repentance, despair and anxiety,
My extortionate drugs relate...

Fading Pulse...

2009-08-16T15:13:00.004+05:30

I've been screaming all night,

The sounds that they don't get.

Not their fault,they're far,far away,
They've walked into the blazing sunset.

I tried to tell them my fears,
My face tainted with tears.
All that I ever held dear,
Is gone.Now no more near.

I've been talking to the shadows,
The moonbeams caressing the bed,
Of the carved etched rock,
a halo around my head.

Its morning already,
I've been awake all night.
This place....so lost
hollow deserted...right.

Look here he comes now
to me, oh at last.
He put the lilies beside my head,
don't leave,not so fast.

The scent of white lilies
rhythmic mourning...
They still can't hear me scream
and silent while I yell.
I talk and listen
in my grave...
The carved etched rock
around my head...
the ground
Now my tomb.....
now my bed.

Silence

2009-07-12T13:11:00.003+05:30

A Song without a single sound,

A cry without a wail,
When everything’s mute around,
When words win to fail….,

And then,
Silence starts to speak,
In pure bliss or solace,
A tear down the cheek,
A smile across the face,

When nothing’s said,
Still everything’s heard,
When everything’s laid,
Under silence’s care,…unheard..,

Moments before a gale,
Moments after it strikes out,
& the hearts gotta sail,
in the ocean of silence…let fate sprout,

It wanders & remains,
When a loved one goes far away….,
And you r left alone in the rains….,
Isolated,..Speechless,...each day,

But it incarnates as “best art of conversation”,

'cause even a blink of an eye,
Is the best oration,
And thus Silence will lie,
And Silence will prevail,

When you have got nothing to say,
Silence will say it all………..

Madamoiselle au Rouge

2009-06-29T16:35:00.011+05:30

A lonely road,

Moonless night sky,

Heavy steps walked alone,

Of a depressed guy.

At a distance he sees,

A lady in red,

Lost in deep thoughts as she walked,

She looked not a bit scared.

She didn’t notice the guy.

And walked him right past by,

But he had noticed her well,

And also the tears in her eye.

Draped in red satin,

She was fair like the moon,

She had the prettiest pair of eyes,

They could make anybody’s heart swoon.

Eyerybody has a story.

He wondered what hers was.

Had she lost her job as well ?

Or had she lost her love...?

He guessed it was the latter.

And although he wasn’t sure,

All that mattered to him now,

Was to make her feel secure.

He went up to her,

She was shaken back to reality,

She looked him in the eye.

And found a look of assurity.

His eyes reflected his mind

As he managed a wry smile

Saying,” It’s ok not to be fine sometimes,

It happens once a while.”

And as she wept aloud,

For her broken heart that bled,

She felt so much better,

For herself instead.

And so they walk together,

Their silence speaking the unsaid,

Along the lonely road,

The depressed guy.

And the lady in Red.

Hymn to Isis

2009-06-10T14:49:00.002+05:30

For I am the first and the last

I am the venerated and the despised

I am the prostitute and the saint

I am the wife and the virgin

I am the mother and the daughter

I am the arms of my mother

I am barren and my children are many

I am the married woman and the spinster

I am the woman who gives birth and she

who never procreated

I am the consolation for the pain of birth

I am the wife and the husband

And it was my man who created me

I am the mother of my father

I am the sister of my husband

And he is my rejected son

Always respect me

For I am the shameful and the magnificent one.

- 3rd or 4th century BC, discovered in Nag Hammadi

Requiem for Darkness

2009-06-08T00:48:00.004+05:30

My life stretches before me

An arid wasteland
All alone I stand here
Among mountains of sand

My cold heard beats in mine bosom

Hard as stone, closed to the world,

As I stand alone in this sea of sorrow

Shedding tears of dust

Each breath is laboured

Every step heavier than the last

My mind reminisces about joys once savoured

Yet I am lost in infinite coldness

I yearn for joy, I yearn for love,

I yearn for sorrow, I yearn for pain

I yearn for emotion, something I lost somewhere along,

Nay, for sooth, I threw it away.

After all, I reasoned, who needs emotion?

Love hurts all within its grasp

Anger consumes you like a flame

Regret haunts you ‘til the last of your days

Emotion is a useless thing

Something better to have kept away.

But lo! I beseech you, follow not in mine footsteps

For no longer can I savour the sweet taste

Of love, comradeship, all things good,

Nor can I weep, weep tears of sorrow

(heartfelt of otherwise)

For what I have yearned for, I have become,

A cold emotionless monster.

Alas, for now it is far too late for me to change

For I now stand alone; all have passed me by

Too late for me perhaps, but not for you !

Live your life, live it through,

Be not like me, able to do naught but shed tears of dust,

A cold emotionless monster.

Afterlife

2009-05-22T03:05:00.008+05:30

Every thing here is so dark,
Every thing here is so mystic,
I remember it as if from a dream,
This is the place where i had died,
This is the place where my mother had cried,
Frozen tears of melancholy on my bloodless breasts.

I remember it as if from a dream,
How i had screamed,
When i saw the freezing moon,
Sitting on her snow wolf,
She smiled a cruel smile,
Her vampiring teeth,
Were the gates of a portal to hell.

She licked her lips.
I stared in disbelief,
As she came lowered her face,
Under my chin I could now feel,
The bones of her teeth,
Cooling off my blood,
Drinking it from my veins.

My brows neat in a state of pure delight,
I could feel her,

Draining away my bodyheat,
Slowing my heart beat.

HEART, This strange beating organ;
Purifies our blood from thrash,
And keep mortals alive,
Or it makes us spend,
A long death before,
We had actually lived.

My visions blur...........

The freezing moon
Her green eyes...............
Unsure about the state of her prey,
Her wolf licks my hands and feet,
As my life is come in to an end.

I can see the mist creeping around me,
It's so thin,so beautiful,
Yet so dark and mysterious,
The spirits of my dead brothers,
In the mortal world,
Welcome me, to a new wretched Afterlife.

Endless Winter

2009-05-17T21:37:00.005+05:30

I never saw the last spring,

Catching dreams in reality,

The branches on their song,

The leaves, the flowers and you blossomed,

The morning breeze passed unaware,

Down the pavements I lay,

Chirped the birds as they torn

Another piece for the offspring,

From the zombie as they say…

And spring went far away…

I never saw the last summer,
And nature’s sweet caricature danced,

With the happiness under the scorching sun,

Missed…

All the moments,

All the poems,

Near your river not so blue,

Did his hands sweat holding yours?

Did you want the time to stay?

I missed your smile,

And summer went far away…

I never saw the last autumn,
Did you pluck the last mellowness?

The world unleashed as closed were two eyes,

And unleashed in you too,

Did you shed two drops,

The ones aside me lay?

Did you remember the dream scapes?

Or did they fade all the way…

Never saw you play the bride,

And autumn went far away…

The last leaf fell then,

Pierced through the shivering bones,

The wind sharp,

Feeble and sick,

I wake…

Seek you, seek the life,

Behind the murky fog in the nocturnal days,

Behind the chilly nights’ darkness,

Embracing fiasco under my naked tree I lay,

Its winter now,

Vultures now encircle as with me they play.

Dark Side

2009-05-16T21:26:00.006+05:30

Everybody has dark side
It is weak and it is might
It is all and it is nothing
It is dark, it isn't light.

Again great evil was defeated
The huge and strong dark hordes was beaten
Their lord was sent to hell again
Who always said: Just use your brain!

Again the wind disturbs the grass
Again we have some tears in eyes
Again we happy till we`re cheated
Again we happy till we`re defeated

Again we live in our dreams
And dont like to hear any screams
Again we shut eyes on the poor
And always say: What can I do?

Again we call each other names
And jealous to the other fames
Again we hope to cheat each other
On sale is everything, and even whole earth

Again the leader is a joker
Who won a game in dirty poker
He has no face, he is just dim
And nothing else I see in him

Again we listen to lies in news
And never thinking like a moose
We think they tell us only truth
But fake is the motto of their crew

Again we have no ones respect
And every man is like an insect
Again we make a lot of pacts
But our leaders are in acts

Again. So on
So on. Again

Its our course
And our blame

If you hate that all
Like me,
Fight for dark,
Your destiny,
Call the demons from the hell,
They are fighting very well.

Take your weapon,
Leave your home,
We fight again,
Against sky dome.

I am sorry for the end,
It is foolish and some mad,
But forgive me that I write,
Its not I, its my dark side.

Un Rosa......

2009-05-16T13:50:00.012+05:30

Death stand before me,

Bliss grieves upon agony,

Oh silken rose of broken souls,

Tattered and worn,
Paralysed from within,

No longer breathing,

Her thistles and thorns bathrobe her,

The black fence surrounds the silken rose of eternity,

Beauty and lies deceive all which look upon thy woven petals,
Speechless blowing in the wind,

Silently crying through the pain,

My heart is cold and motionless,

The petals on my decaying body are slowly breezing away,

The music of Untold feelings die inside my mindless reeves,

I sit here blowing under the blackest of trees,

Waiting for loves divine touch to set my withered self-free,

To hold me and to love me,
That is what I want for thee,

Darkness falls over moonless heart,

Shadows rise and depart,

Someone sew back my silken petals that befall me,

Touch me and bring back my fragrance,

Loneliness is too much for me,

Can’t any longer be,

Wish that God would come and take me,

Someone find me,

Find me,

I am the silken rose of broken souls.

Anarchy

2009-05-13T18:17:00.003+05:30

When more are trampled over, gore's a chore, not lore.

Whims and fancies shall seek refuge

In the annals of time, but not flesh and blood.

For now, prone is the crone before the gaudy whore.

A megalomaniac dreams of a singular kingdom

Democratic bums think up new factions.

A continuum of politics, its jaundiced eyes seek

Amidst anorexic multitudes, gluttony and grease.

More autonomy for the few spineless

There's freedom on a leash for the oppressed.

Guileless kids wave flags, new sweetmeats for all

Troubled is the sleep of newly awakened droves.

Down the aisle, of aimless shame

Apathy and avarice walk hand in hand.

Fall by the wayside, pungent promises

Blooms through concrete; a flower, incendiary red.

The wind is buffeted by unblemished philosophy

Pamphlets, bullet riddled drift in the slipstream.

Giddy on impotence in the taverns of reality

Drinking up the lies, can't stomach the truth.

By a muster of arms, by the show of hands

Follows a pregnant pause, the interlude.

On the Ferris Wheel, the white rats halt.

At twilight, don't know, whether dawn or dusk.

What is outrageous now, was admissible a time ago

When the mascara's off, she’s still, but a whore.

Fire below the Oceans

2009-05-11T22:19:00.005+05:30

Dark Nights blanket a seeping storm,
And the leaves whisper under a grey sky.
Beyond on the peaks, sunlight shines,
And underneath the sky, darkness crawls.

Black clouds deny the sun,
To enforce the failing light.
Faint stars blink into an oblivion black,
And sea birds cry into the night.

I am proud as the vast seas,
But as poor as the becalmed water.
The ocean has stopped breathing,
And still the days run shorter.

What have you but a lofty dream?
And what have I but words?
The colours are fading fast to grey,
And the sun is fading like derelict herds.

From the darkened clouds falls sanctifying rain,
And the mighty breeze blows across.
The heathen shores still remain quiet,
And the water teems with life.

The siege has lifted, the sun is free,
And it sets the clouds on fire.
The ocean now breathing reflects the same,
And the red in the ocean runs higher.

Il m'est arrive' un malheur

2009-05-06T18:14:00.012+05:30

"Not in Love Anymore" ...

How did you feel?
When we used to make love
Was it just the way I used to feel for you?

Or was it a sin?
That you committed again
Another body just to take you through

You walked away from me
Saying love was hard to find
I thought I was to be blamed
Just couldn't read your mind

I tried my best to get you back
But you always closed the door
Questions that were killing me
You had nothing to say anymore

The dreams that are broken
That love would never part
The feelings are now scattered
Just left with a broken heart

I am still the same as I was
This heart still beats today
But everything has changed now
Since the day you walked away

Set me free
From your lies
From all the memories
All I want now is to be out

From this love
From your world
Don't want you anymore
Without a shadow of a doubt

How do you feel?
When he makes love to you
Is it just the way that once you and I used to be?

Have you found love?
Is it better than how we were?
Is he the one you wanted, Is he better than me?

All I asked for was your love
All I asked was for your trust
And all you gave me was lies
Your eyes just sheltered lust

Said that I was a reckless guy
And that my love was fake
Said you had just too much
More than that you could take

Now that you want in again
And I now choose to be out
You say that you were wrong
My love you can't live without

There is a change inside me
I am not the same anymore
I hold no dreams protected within
The man I thought I was before

Set me free
From your lies
From all the memories
All I want now is to be out

From this love
From your world
Don't want you anymore
Without a shadow of a doubt ...

Deja Vu

2009-05-04T01:41:00.004+05:30

An angry night I happened to fly
toward a shapeless mass of land.
The sea was fuming above the sky
and waves rolled into shining sand.

A land beyond a desolate haze,
the snakes of satan there dance.
The grey and blue hue of a maze
erupts over a dream like trance.

A rumbling voice from beneath
surrounds at once a mysterious sheath.
A coquettish lamb and a gaping lawn
meet the piper at the gates of dawn.

The air was filled with a deathly scent
that smelled of eagles which deduced
that the tiny man hither bent
was lost and clueless and seduced.

The streets they are a twilight blur
of skins and faces and glossy fur.
Down the slopes of watered mud,
they carry the sacred cup of blood.

A chilly curtain of fearful gloom
languidly embraces the empty room
and walks and talks in every street
and under the traveller's burning feet.

I seek redress over medieval beds
of sprightly maidens shaking heads
in far away brothels, where many a ton
of passions lay under a taciturn sun.

An air of ethereal dread
hangs over the house of whores
and sings and sleeps in the bed
sailing silently to elyssian shores.

Dark secrets thus locked in jars
hold the sketchy dreams of gold
then reveal the murmur of mars
dark as the nights of Isis told.

A solemn hill suddenly fades out.
A happy hen sways monstrous hips.
The delectable wine of chance and doubt
combine and drown my pensive lips.

A wooden chalice breaks my fall
and vicious poison covers it's wall.
A sumptous feast of mice and men
all devoured by the soulless hen.

At once I see dreamy eyes
staring beyond the cold street light.
The dream escapes thawing the ice
of the cold, the heartless, the weeping night.

Prisoner of War

2009-05-02T01:40:00.004+05:30

I would wait if told.

I would stay if asked.

I would cry if pleaded.

I would repent if found guilty.

I just stayed there.

Standing straight ramrod as the cold winds

Washed me away in silly ignorance.

No one turned around to see. Once.

My eyes froze from the view.

My sticky fingers numbing the turmoil inside.

I tried to receive as much light as I could.

But of no avail.

Your gown in grey caressed the flimsy air,

As you walked with a halo far beyond you.

Assuming an ego only I could see,

You taunted me. To hate you.

Pushed against an edge, unfathomable.

A new fear overcoming me with glee.

I try to flee my detractors in a moment’s ambush.

Only to tie myself down tighter.

Your eyes brim with a fire I’ve never seen before.

Ready to consume in an engulfing inferno.

Rising against ashes of gluttony,

You shiver at my demise. With satisfaction.

Contorted beyond recognition.

You left me a derelict.

I pass streets filled with misery.

Chalking up a past of inconsequence.

I would have embraced if asked.

I would have smiled if spoken to.

I would have dug deep if told to.

But bow I would never before you.

No Offense...

2009-05-01T13:04:00.007+05:30

Bengalis:

One Bengali is sweet shop.

Two Bengalis is a black and white movie.

Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support.

Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement.

Malayalees:

One Malayalee is a narial pani shop.

Two Malayalee is a boat race.

Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.

Four Malayalees is an Oil slick.

Tamilians:

One Tamilian is a fugtive sandalwood smuggler.

Two Tamilians is a suicide bomb squad.

Three Tamilians is a Classical Music School.

Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.

Andhraites:

One Andhraite is a cycle rickshaw driver.

Two Andraites is a spice shop.

Three Andhraites is a Naxalite Outfit.

Four Andhraites is a Telugu film industry.

Goans:

One Goan is a Remo Fernandes.

Two Goans is a feni distillery.

Three Goans is a football club.

Four Goans is an all night long party.

Parsis:

One Parsi is a sentence punctuated with expletives deleted.

Two Parsis is a doctor and a lawyer.

Three Parsis is a 75 year old man with two unmarried sisters.

Four Parsis is half their remaining population.

Children of the Midnight

2009-04-29T13:54:00.003+05:30

As the full moon rises to its natural throne…
The children of the night
Awaken to weave their web
Of gothic enchantments.

Through the shadows they creep,
Whispering on the night winds
Their dark secrets

When dawn breaks, they are gone
When dusk falls they appear,
For none but one
Do they fear

Those warriors of lore
Who have risen once more
To fight, to fight
The children of the night

A blade of silver
Is their only bane
With that, must they be beheaded
And only then can they be slain

But then, a challenge within
Shall be a threat anew
One from out very own brethren

But if such a time should come
Where riseth not the sun
A quest must be taken
By warriors, not one, but two

For now comes a foe
Strong and mighty
One never vanquished before

Only blood of enemies a score
When the heavens line up
Shall suffice to finish the lore
For then, and only then, shall the heroes arise
Their powers alleviated for evermore

Yet even then the foe they can vanquish not
Lest they fight alone
But if together they fought
The battle shall be won…

Amore.....

2009-04-25T20:42:00.002+05:30

Close your eyes to see me
And take my hand
I can be your worst nightmare as well as your most beautiful dream come true

Come with me
I shall show you my domain
Domain which is inhabited by few

Do not ask me whether they are blessed or damned
For that does not depend on me or them
And that is the cause of their despair

For I can be death and life
Disease and cure
And that who alone lives in my domain
Shall suffer the most horrible pain

I am everything and nothing
All the power belongs to me
Never ever use my name in vain
That can be so disgraceful
For it weakens me and turns myself into my opposite self
Domain turned into doom

Fear me not
Fear those who have left my domain
And do not blame me in case you come and get sick
Some can not resist my beauty

And I tell you that is not my fault
It´s the fault of your compatriots
Those who share my domain.

Atrophy vs Entropy

2009-04-24T11:51:00.006+05:30

Thoughts thrown randomly at the walls
and nailed back into place
recovering the pieces lost
from the wars raging behind a calm face
Abhor the vacuum
So nature fills the void
Not with the tranquility longed for
But with the entropy of a mind devoid

Tragedy strikes
When mere tremors grow
Into complete mental collapse
And the downfall of reactions occur
Giving way to utter negative relapse

Knee jerks and spinal tap
Functioning on an involuntary level
Perhaps guided by a light misguided
Do we dare hope for a repose
Or do we surrender to an inevitable cranial dispose?
The question is but a trifle among the tide
Cradled in the eye of the vortex
Of an infected inner-cortex

Amidst this harmonious discord
The chaotic calm before the storm

Disconnected emotions surges spoken word
And hurt courses through the ones linked at heart
Screaming yet completely silent
Morally correct yet decadent

Doomed to a life of pseudo-intelligent depravity
Doubting all but self-standing gravity
With only this verse self-explanatory
Showing any semblance to sanity

Destined to suffer rapid rational decay

Severing all desires of salvation away
And as i raise the scalpel to my mind

I'm convinced that atrophy is the only way.

Eternal Somnolence

2009-04-16T00:58:00.004+05:30

Strange voices call me at night ..

While I'm drinking your tears with wine

..You should have known it better

..I wish those tears were mine

..I cant stand the sound of your cries

..But maybe that's just one of my lies

..My child, dont believe in me

..I'm torn apart, just drowning inside

..Silence is the best escape

..From this feeling that I truly hate

..I'm dying to reach out

..The highest point of my rage

..You always wanted more

..I should have known this before

..I dont dare to blame you

..Because I dont care anymore

..In your life I was always behind

..I'm not stupid, dont need to deny

..Illusions blinds you

..As you fall into the depth of my mind

..You couldnt see my wound deep

..But still could make me weak

..Those are the words I try to say

..Now this is over,

I'm on my eternal sleep

..Silence...

Flight Of the Phoenix

2009-04-12T23:57:00.006+05:30

A phoenix caught in a fiend's net

Sang sweeter than ever

As if the enchanting melody

Might wing & net dissever

As dusk fell she took her prey

Its freedom gone forever

Its end was soon to come

But passion to live coudnt be undone

Burning in its funeral pyre

A desire to live arose from its breath

An eternal life a second chance to destroy her.....the saving grace

Flames engulfing in their dance of seduction...

Peeling away glory last.......

The winds making a design amidst ashes of destruction

A smile arose like serpent's tail her sign of satisfaction;

Sparks arose from the remnant flickers

Flames of revival burst out as heavens shed its tears

Soon her triumph turned into horror

As the phoenix rose....Higher,Mightier than ever....

Answering its hearts bidding,

As revenge is an act of passion but vengeance is justice

Reflection of Iscariot...

2009-04-06T00:52:00.006+05:30

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the beast staring back at me ?
Screaming voices come pouring in,
I am looking at myself
No comforting words
To wash out the horror
In which I see
So directly
Memories are too overwhelming to me
Close my eyes and wish to hide away
The face of eternity
The face I see
No comforting words
To wash out the horror
In which I see
So directly
Ghosts are passing by me
Through what I see
The past haunting the burnt skin which lay upon me
Shut my eyes and hope it to go away
A mask vastly stitched to cover the hate
That is placed inside
This mirror is a gaze of black marble
I watch myself knowing not what I am
My heart looks so hollow through these glass fixture eyes
Behind me I see devils hiding in the shadow
They resemble me
Looking closely
Darkness pulls me down
I take a knife within my hands
Beg of me to shed this monsters skin
Piercing the knife within me
I tare away all hope and serenity
The face of a girl I once knew haunts me
Dancing all around me
Making scribbles all over my mind
I am confused of which identity belong to me
I am drowning In my own reflection
Relating to all those tears I once shed
Along the shore of grief
Yet It starts to fade but another image of a man appears
Is this me
Or someone I once knew
Or someone I do know
Fear conquers over me
Shedding blood I fall
I want to stop
Destroy what I see
Words park over me
Hateful words that crash and thunder upon me
Hard like kids throwing rocks
Monster I am
Cut my heart from within throwing it away
Blood splashes across the mirror
I am unsure if it is mine or a beasts
Who am I ?
Screaming out a monster unleashed
The skin is no longer attached to my fiercely graved body
Which lay lifeless
By thy monsters evil reflection
No comforting words
To wash out the horror
In which I see
So directly
The silent Immortal death of someone who I use to be………

The Obituary

2009-04-04T11:18:00.005+05:30

He was a man

Who waylaid

The weathered steps

Of the staircase

Winding down to hell.

He was a man

So very shriveled,

He looked long judged

And proven chaste.

He was a man of Age.

He hummed a little,

Before crying again

He lay splayed

With his vessel

That jarred to jingle

With rusted coins

And finally disappeared

One day soon.

But cling he did

To his place there

Through the dawn

And night after.

Nobody knew when

Last he breathed.

He was a man

But a man long dead.

An obituary rested

On that weathered step,

As a non-existent,

Reverent absence.

And the concave silence

Of the voices that claim

Their blessings that he

May rest in peace.

But who needed them

His life would say…

The life that never

Asked for much.

He had been tested

And proven chaste,

So god bestowed

Him with the taste

Of the hell in life

As a life in hell…

So he may never lose

His way after death…

Rhapshody of the Shadows....

2009-04-04T00:34:00.006+05:30

Gazing at the darkened sky

the nameless shapes and the darkness around

I love this beauty; there’s no Why

It’s hidden charms and distant sounds.

I love the Shadows

I love this darkness

this quiet nocturnal sensuality

I love the Shadows

I love this caress

by its cool mysterious subtlety

It’s Black all around

Black- the unknown Invisible

the color of the Unexposed

the alluring beauty of the Unexplored

It’s the expression of pure silence

the essence of the Abstract;

It’s the ever-beckoning beauty of some untraceable ache.

Black-the Ultimatum of the Universe

-It’s the deepest point beneath

the Ocean yet unsighted-

-The farthest corner of the spiralling galaxy

with unending attraction

but too distant for revelation

-It’s the unfathomable depth

of the Intensity in Your eyes-

-It’s the deepest dark secret

in the most private layers of the mind-

-It’s the unasked question within

whose answer I seek

not knowing yet where again

as I trudge through empty rooms…

Bathed in the black of the midnight

I watch the shadow stealing the lights

But I love this Shadow

I love this blackness

and its seducing blanket of solitude

Every being’s become a shadow at this hour

-and it’s my time of seclusion from the world

from all its insincerity and rotten pretence

the exhibition of the so-called ‘selflessness’.

It’s my time to devote to my passions

When I can be my own naked Self, laid bare

for an orgasm with my deepest emotions.

-away from the shallow laughs

and silly ways of ‘social’ men

their grinning teeth flashed to hide the bland, sceptical eyes;

eager to widen the circle of silly social ties.

So I love the Shadows

I love the nights like hell.

I need it to salvate my seething insides from screaming.

This is the time

-when the sapphire glows its most breathtaking blue-

-when a song from my lips resounds the most beautiful tune

When the stark gets overcome by the soulful-

And to let loose the most primitive,

Most blatant expressions of mine

From its rueful self-imposed bind.

In these Shadows

It’s time to vent out the strange ecstacy

At realizing the glory of existence

I could fight with my life and yet succeed;

That’s the absolute joy of being me.

In these Shadows

It’s again, my Undeniable hour

to unleash the Rage within:

At myself and the sleeping earth

For this lone existence in a hypocritical world.

And I love the Shadows

I just love this darkness

It’s my secret haunt,

My precious retreat

as needed as the Air I breathe…

I love the Shadows…

You Invoked the Beast in Me.....

2009-02-14T11:13:00.004+05:30

An ice shard impales my heart,

When I hear your voice,
I can taste the cold metal,
I smell the oozing blood,
Pain splitting my sanity apart.

In the past I do remember,
Seeing you in another light,
Life was rosy back then,
I had learnt to love,
Myself soul less I had to render.

You tried to trick me,
Taking me to the fangs of death,
You thought that I had died,
But I was reborn from my ashes,
A beast had awakened in me.

I shall love till death do us part,
I had proclaimed once to you,
I find it hard to forget now,
Fear shadowing your smiling face,
While I carefully ripped it apart.

You invoked the beast in me,

My Vengeance and vendetta,Have played their part well,
I broke the chains and shackles that had me held,
Only to kill my humanity; and forever set myself free.

Strive for Excellence

2009-01-28T14:06:00.005+05:30

The motto of our school, ‘Nihil Ultra-Nothing beyond’ was created by Father E.O’Niell, one of the first Rectors of St. Xavier’s.

The few lines I am going read out to you were written in Latin for the benefit of our students, past, present and the future.

“ Nihil Ultra,quam nobilis vite ambisio !

In me semper – melioris operis stadium,

Semper majoris perfectionis desiderium.

Deo placetat ut omni tempore excellentiam persequar

Perfectum nihilist aliquid dum restat agendum”

Allow me to translate this text for you for those among us who are not well versed in Latin.

“Nothing beyond, what a noble life-ambition!

It stirs in me a quest for ever better goal,

A longing for ever greater growth.

Through God’s blessing may I always shine for excellence ;

Nothing is perfect, as long as anything remains to be done. "

Hypothermia...

2009-01-20T10:10:00.008+05:30

There's an everlasting winter in my heart,

The blizzard refuses to subside,

Freezing my innards,

Till all senses die.

Frostbites benumb my soul,

Anger long suppressed in my veins,

Seeks to break free,

But finds itself in chains.

Love to me is a foreign word,

Never uttered here,

Hatred so prevalent,

Amongst the rampant fear.

Redemption now is impossible,

To wade back through the river,

When I am halfway though,

These thoughts leave me in a shiver.

When the scarlet drops crystallise,

Shudders become spasmic,

The mind loses the power of thought,

Hypothermia sets in .

Three stanzas inspired by life....

2009-01-01T13:09:00.005+05:30

Love is a trick,

That often causes in the heart; a prick

A wound there bleeds silently,

Fated never to heal.

Dreams are illusions,

Slowly drawing the reality to its death,

While the curtains of the day close

Over a barren heath.

Fame is a fickle friend,

It finds new takers.

With every passing trend.

Leaving the previos owner.

In the shadow of the obsolete...

Mortius un Sufficit.....

2008-12-17T14:41:00.015+05:30

The Silver Orb in the eastern sky wanes.

The Untamed winds gush through unchartered lanes,

A solitary flower blooms for moment

Only to wither again...

Creeping through the darkness,

Nightmares return to plague my sanity,

Shredding through my sleep,

Leaving me bloodless.

I cannot live,

I cannot die,

No place to cry,

My tears are dry.

Death, I call your name

Deliver me from this shame

I sell my soul to you...

Ah hell, I am tired of this game.

Redemption is one of the vital flaws,

With its fangs bared and bloody claws.

Gathering up my strength,

I try to run,

But it's all futile.

Death, I call your name

Deliver me from this shame

I sell my soul to you...

Ah hell, I am tired of this game.

Frustration mountin'

I keep on countin'

The days till I die

But Death eludes me

I don't know why.

Release me from this ordeal,

Let Numbness conquer all I feel,

Blood oozes from my heart

No.... I don't wanna heal.

Death, I call your name

Deliver me from this shame

I sell my soul to you..

Ah hell, I am tired of this game....

We will all miss you people.....

2008-12-06T11:06:00.005+05:30

Hands Held High.....

2008-11-30T22:26:00.004+05:30

Turn my mike up louder I got to say something

Light weights step to the side when we come in

Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping

People on the street they panic and start running

Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming

I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping

Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in

Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and

Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping

Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping

Risk something, take back what's yours

Say something that you know they might attack you for

Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before

Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for

Like this war's really just a different brand of war

Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor

Like they understand you in the back of the jet

When you can't put gas in your tank

These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque

Asking you to have compassion and have some respect

For a leader so nervous in an obvious way

Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day

In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"

Amen

In my living room watching but I am not laughing

Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen

World is cold the bold men take action

Have to react or get blown into fractions

Ten years old it's something to see

Another kid my age drugged under a jeep

Taken and bound and found later under a tree

I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me

Do you see the soldiers they're out today

They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away

It's ironic at times like this you pray

But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday

There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads

Inside your market, your shops, your clothes

My dad he's got a lot of fear I know

But enough pride inside not to let that show

My brother had a book he would hold with pride

A little red cover with a broken spine

On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside

When the rich wage war it's the poor who die

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away

Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day

both scared and angry like "what did he say?"

Amen

With hands held high into the sky so blue,

As the ocean opens up to swallow you.